transcript
episode 10:
Proverbial Mountain Climbing part 2: From Base Camp to the edge of the Leap of Faith
[Intro Music of Birds, Buddhist chanting OM, and a great beat.]
Welcome to I have a theory the podcast, the podcast where we explore intersections between physics, metaphysics, religion, society, consciousness and being. I'm your host Jo Blakely.
Today we are going to continue our climb up the mountain and we will travel from Base Camp to the edge of the Leap of Faith. Depending on when you count my own start time – it took me about three years to get there. The only way for me tell you how to get there, is to tell you how I got there – so this will be somewhat personal and things might flow in a different order for you and I can’t possibly talk about everything I went through and understood in a single podcast. Frankly all my podcast episodes try to come at all this from different angles and together they all comprise the way there and back. So, with that said it is important to note that I had already done a lot of work over the decades just to get to base camp – I was already quite good at knowing myself and being disciplined and rigorous with my integrity and values and repenting and perfecting as required from a very young age, and I honored that in me. I liked myself for my courage and kindness and integrity, and managed to hang on to that, despite many things set in my path to take those things away. It seems that I am one of the elect. My entire life has had a bit of obligation and predestination to it. I had a miraculous strength of character. And I can say this because on this mountain, I have been fully tested and proved ---but also that I could not have done this alone. Nor can I say that it was easy even so. I had a lot of misconceptions and cultural baggage and misinformation to sift through.
On the last episode I said that just to get here, you must have a love for the world. When I say that, I don’t mean worldly things. I mean life. People, the earth…creation…life. To care for one another. To get here at basecamp, you opened your heart a little. You wanted to understand. You became a seeker – after something greater than yourself alone. You probably have already done a bit of work on yourself too. Or you might have wandered here after a glimpse on drugs. I’ll go into that on a separate episode. Whatever got you here – now the real work begins and unless you are doing this work on yourself---the rest of the way lies madness. It gets harder and harder – not easier and easier and unless you have strong roots in love - love towards truth, life, yourself, your fellow man --- you will not cling to sanity and truth. There are 7 major qualities you need to develop in yourself as you climb. Discernment, Humility, Perseverance, Integrity, Wisdom, Purity, and Compassion.
I will break these down a bit here.
Discernment: able to tell right from wrong, good advice from bad advice. Opening up to spirit leaves one open to bad spirits too who will test you and try to find your weaknesses to exploit. Just like with people, you must be able to discern good information and wisdom from bad information and corruption.
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. John 4:1
Humility: This is the attitude of the seeker. The student. The one willing to learn from the master. The one that sees the universal oneness and sees their own relativity to the All and does not boast or presume or step on top of others. Humility is so critical and such a high value virtue that I will probably have to do a whole other episode on it. I can’t say enough about it. In the New Testament (Luke 14:8-10) there is a parable about the Lowest Seat.
“When you are invited to a wedding banquet, do not sit in the place of honor, in case someone more distinguished than you has been invited. Then the host who invited both of you will come and tell you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ And in humiliation, you will have to take the last place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the last place, so that your host will come and tell you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in front of everyone at the table with you.…”
Perseverance: You have to decide if this mysterious goal is worth it. Everyone has their own mountain. Their own objectives. If your objectives align with Gods, you may have a chance at persevering as you will be helped. But the help is mostly encouragement from spirit. You will have to tough it out and do the work still yourself. As you develop…more negative spirits will try you. It will attract more negative than positive in this world. You will be forged in a furnace that tests your metal. Perseverance is a massive part of faith. It is believing in God, yourself, what is right, good and true. It is the fruit of faith.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
Integrity: This and purification go hand in hand. Integrity is about being true to yourself and what you know to be good and right and true. It is about authenticity. In Taoism, the word for enlightened person is Zhenren. It means authentic person. It means a person aligned and in balance with their highest truest self. It means being REAL. This manifests truth. Everything that does not have integrity, does not really have substance and ultimately will be destroyed. It will be just nonsense data drifting in the universe, unsaved and incoherent. Integrity will be the main thing that will keep you from falling and keep you from madness. Most mental illness and evil in this world is as a result of not living with integrity and the justifications we make to reconcile this disparity in our own minds, rather than do the work of purification and have the courage and steadfastness in integrity.
“I know that you are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. 12 Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.” Psalm 41:11
Wisdom: Of course, this is a partner to Discernment and compassion. We must learn wisdom to be able to discern in the first place. Sometimes that means putting yourself out there emotionally and experientially – it means learning from others – really wisdom is the fruit of all the other qualities you develop, but having a love for it and accepting it from whatever source it comes from is essential. At certain stations on the mountain, God will bring diverse messengers to you – from the lowest of the poor, to otherworldly beings you don’t even have names or words for. You must learn to welcome the lessons, the blessings, the discipline, the pain, the joy, the awe…all of it from all creation without prejudice.
At this stage of the journey, the proverb
“Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man, and he will increase his learning. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.” Proverbs 9:9-11
I was always the kind of person that sought to do what was right. And I left myself sensitive to the world. All these qualities gave me the energy to get to base camp and I found that I had help just getting there. Prior to reaching basecamp, the guidance I had was much quieter than what came after…more subtle – but it became very loud and I was hyper aware of it after my own Job moment which I talk about on the episode Job and the Bicameral Mind. It was then that I became really aware of God’s guidance and presence. After I sought to understand what was right better and I started to question myself more. They proverb ‘The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom was very true for me’. That experience was one that changed me forever as I became of God’s awareness of me, and my undeniable awareness of God. Knowing I was in the midst of such power and grace was daunting and I felt unworthy. I had wisdom enough to accept my discipleship and learn.
Purity: This is both a brutal and loving teacher as we are all flawed and fail far too often in our attempts at perfection. That said, there is an ever increasing standard that gets raised. As you repent of ways that are incongruent and incompatible with your journey of integrity, you rise, and your standards for yourself raise. This can lead to being very uncompassionate to yourself and others. I know for myself this has always been the most challenging as I appreciate the discipline and guidance, but as I rise, I can get more frustrated with others that don’t do the work. I am confronted more and more with others who are opposed to both the work I do on myself, and the standard that I set which sets them in contrast unfavorably. This quality acts as an unintentional judgement on mankind. It requires perseverance, compassion and integrity to get through. You must do your own work and not concern yourself with the journey of others. You must not judge, but rather love and be an example. You will know if you are being oppressive to yourself and others by living as you believe and finding that place of love and compassion that makes joy possible. It should not be so burdensome that you are pained, but it should not be so lax and slothful that you continue in sin and justification of wrongdoings.
There is a buddhist quote that I like that goes “Water that is too pure has no fish”. Be pure, without become hardened. Have a strong foundation of love, but be flexible.
Compassion: this should open your eyes, make you feel connected to the greater Oneness, make you sensitive to the sufferings, and it should make you ACT. Compassion is less a feeling and more an action. It is tangible. It seeks to create a space of acceptance, welcoming, love, understanding, patience, mercy, justice…all good things worth anything have compassion at its core. As I mentioned in the last episode – the world is suffering and you are not truly connected to the ONE unless you feel the pain as well as the joy of the current reality.
I think of this time climbing the mountain as very alchemical. It was a lot of questions and problems, trying to find solutions, distilling information, concentration on things of value, purifications to release the gold that was covered in dross, etc.
I think about my first real opening up and introduction to my spiritual journey as my Job moment which I talk about on the episode Job and the Bicameral Mind.
Because that Job episode in my own life caused me to hear two different points of view from spirit that presented as opposed, one of the first things I needed to learn was discernment. I had been reading and practicing The Fourth Way by PD Ouspensky around this time and that was very helpful for this purpose. Because as you open yourself to spirit to receive – you will have to discern between good and bad spirits just as you have to discern between good and bad people. Do they have wisdom? How can you tell? You need to question spirit as much as yourself.
If you do not do work on yourself and do not hold fast to truth and righteousness on this mountain – you will bail. The climb is too difficult for you. You are not ‘inclined’. Which is another interesting word here as one is either inclined (which etymologically means a movement towards a summit) or one declines which is a turning away and refusal to climb.
If you are inclined though…and you are working on yourself---it won’t be you getting In your way as much anymore as the world and evil spirits will. As you clean up your own act and house, as you become closer to spirit and sensitive and receptive to the ONE, you will find wicked spirits come out in force to try to derail you and make you fall.
There are many who I have heard say, as though it were wisdom, that you cannot tell good from evil and it is subjective, or that it doesn’t exist at all. But we know what we would not like done to us, and we know that simple communication can clarify our preferences to others to be respected. When we make space for suffering, when we are silent because we fear loss of money or possessions, when we allow ourselves to lie, cheat, steal, harm, or look away even though it is within our ability to do otherwise it shows our fear. Fear of mankind and the world shows a lack of faith in God and his power. Better to fear God, than fear man.
For myself, my nature at this time was filled with awe, wonder, love, joy. I developed complete trust in God as represented by my guide(s) as every single question I had was answered. Every intuition I had was confirmed. I’d find the perfect book, or watch the perfect show. It all felt so planned and perfect and amazing. I was in real awe. Still am amazed by it all.
I will put a reading list on my website- which by the way got really messed up so it might take me a bit to get it all together – of the books that I read at this time. I really felt so much smarter too at that time. It was as though I never read a book alone, but the author’s intention and very mind was shared with me so I could understand it better.
I read Bishop Berkeley’s new Theory of Vision and started really examining my perceptions and how I saw. I started looking between spaces, I tried bringing my vision In close to see the microorganisms floating on my eyeball. I was just really seeing what seeing was and what my senses and eyes could perceive.
I was also really into Joseph Campbell and loved the Bill Moyers special on The Hero with 1000 Faces. I saw it a few times and had also read that book and a couple of others of his as well. This book really showed the connections of spiritual experiences and interpretations that weren’t so different. The whole heroic journey with such strong archetypes, was something I always related to. I hadn’t realized yet that I was on my own heroic journey.
His work had me turned on to the Upanishads which I read, and then from there I started exploring Buddhism, Zen, philosophers like Plotinus , Marcus Aurelias, the Ennead, and a couple of random books on Theosophy which had a lot of similar concepts found in the Upanishads such as the concept of the ‘Atman’ which is the heart centered egoless ‘soul’.
One of my major influences, and who I eventually took my last name from, was William Blake. While reading his Milton, Blake walked and talked with me. Much as Milton did who returns from Heaven and unites with Blake to explore the relationship between living writers and their predecessors, and to undergo a mystical journey to correct his own spiritual errors—Blake seemed to do the same with me, and took me on a journey through his own mystical and visionary work.
I had the book Milton since I was probably around 12 years old. I got it because I liked the pictures, but the words were like gibberish. I couldn’t understand it at all. Over the course of 20 years or so, I would pick that book up, try to read it, find it unintelligible and put it back down. Many moves I’d pack and have to decide if it was worth keeping and lugging around since I never understood it – and still I liked the pictures enough to hang on to it. Then one day I opened it up and suddenly it made sense to me. Blake was with me. (I should add that today I find him difficult again to read but it is easier knowing what I know – I just don’t have the same facility that I had back then. It was effortless and just flowed for me).
Over this time, I ensured that my word was good. I became more aware of my thoughts and what I spoke aloud. I was never much of a liar. I was terrible at it and hated it anyway. But now I was more concerned that I was clear, and that my word was kind, useful, and didn’t leave doubts about my integrity. I sought wisdom wherever I found it. Whatever the religion, philosopher, scientist…I sought understanding and if I had any prayer at that time it was to understand.
The whole process was something like this:
I’d have a question – trying to understand – this would give me a quest to go on – I’d find myself just following my heart and end up in an old bookshop (today it might be just online), and drawn to a certain book (often it the ones with the spines turned around and my curiosity would have to see), but I’d be drawn to some book, and it would be the perfect book. I’d read it, have gratitude for the understanding, and move on to the next insight or question that would invariably come up. It was solving puzzles. As though a treasure map had been torn into a thousand pieces and a treasure hunt was in place to find all the tiny pieces, and at each spot you had to figure something out in order to find the next piece of the map. But it is in this very quest that the map is made in the first place. You find your way by questioning yourself, the world, your guides, and checking it all against what you believe to be good and true and kind. Over time, your understanding should grow. Over time, this should have you living with integrity without hypocrisy. Aware of your own actions in relation to your own beliefs and standards and your standards should also have raised a few times too, though raising your own standards should not mean putting that onto others as oppression or shame. It should be developing compassion to both others and yourself while simultaneously eliminating ego, vanities, arrogance, impatience…It should, when done right, keep one in a state of humility and relativity and connected to the ONE. Doing whatever good you see to be done within your means.
This part of the journey had me really getting to know my own heart. In my personal life, things were going well. I was doing work I loved and while I didn’t think of myself as spiritual at that time, it was clear I was on a spiritual journey.
There is a quote that goes ‘If you seek, how is that different from pursuing sound and form? If you don’t seek, how are you different from earth, wood, or stone? You must seek without seeking”
I really related to this quote which I found later on in my journey. I never was a seeker for spirituality or a religious experience or anything religious or spiritual at all. I had no goals. I just sought understanding and loved wisdom and knowledge. That was it for me. But it combined and mixed with a heart that was loving and kind, and it grew in me, and was nourished in ways I never imagined it could be.
Don’t seek the spiritual experience. It will flee from you. Seek your own purification. Seek your own integrity and the development of your soul through catharsis and repentance. The rest will come to you. There is no need to grab, take, steal, or force. Don’t make the spiritual experience the goal. The spiritual experiences are many and varied and are, for the most part, a constant on the journey. It can get overwhelming sometimes. The goal is the better you. If you want the spiritual experience, then the goal is to become a servant of God. And God will try you. He will have you submit in many ways and you will have to discern if you and God are aligned, or is the voice you hear overburdening and is it the accuser Satan? Is your will the same as God’s? What is God’s will? How do you know? All these things start to come into. There were a few of books I was reading just before I arrived at the Leap of Faith. One, as I mentioned was Milton by William Blake, and it was really such a mystical experience, other than the Bible itself, it is the only book that had real magic that worked in me. I also was reading around that same time, the Tibetan Book of the Dead which had me really seeing it as a book for the living to see through the illusions of our perceptions and not attach to forms but see beyond the forms to the true self and eternal spirit. I was also reading in science stuff In Search of Schrodingers Cat by John Gribbin and The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot (which merges science and metaphysics). All these different ideas and ideas past were all coming together in my mind and led me to an understanding about my (our) true nature and that we am made of mostly nothing…and I should, if I wanted to, be able to literally become nothing and vanish with will alone. That was my theory at any rate and that theory…I was going to test.
That determination brought me to the Leap of Faith, The Holy Spirit, and a choice which we will get to on the next episode!
Thanks for joining me on this climb! For some reason the podcast website at ihaveatheorypodcast.com isn’t getting picked up on searches in google. I’ve done this dozens of times and no idea why it’s suddenly not working on this. So I am asking all you who listen to please help this information get out to more people by writing a 5* review, sharing with friends, sharing on social media and anything else you’d like to do to help. You can help fund this podcast by purchasing anything from cohereandthere.com. I am designing made to order activewear especially for stylish frequent travelers, who want to do a lot of different things. whether it’s snorkeling, playing tennis, hiking, cycling, touring, dancing or fine dining, you can do it all with a capsule of cohesive pieces you can roll into a backpack or carryon. Use code theory10 to get 10% off your first order and flylist subscribers get free shipping too.
[Outro Music]
Welcome to I have a theory the podcast, the podcast where we explore intersections between physics, metaphysics, religion, society, consciousness and being. I'm your host Jo Blakely.
Today we are going to continue our climb up the mountain and we will travel from Base Camp to the edge of the Leap of Faith. Depending on when you count my own start time – it took me about three years to get there. The only way for me tell you how to get there, is to tell you how I got there – so this will be somewhat personal and things might flow in a different order for you and I can’t possibly talk about everything I went through and understood in a single podcast. Frankly all my podcast episodes try to come at all this from different angles and together they all comprise the way there and back. So, with that said it is important to note that I had already done a lot of work over the decades just to get to base camp – I was already quite good at knowing myself and being disciplined and rigorous with my integrity and values and repenting and perfecting as required from a very young age, and I honored that in me. I liked myself for my courage and kindness and integrity, and managed to hang on to that, despite many things set in my path to take those things away. It seems that I am one of the elect. My entire life has had a bit of obligation and predestination to it. I had a miraculous strength of character. And I can say this because on this mountain, I have been fully tested and proved ---but also that I could not have done this alone. Nor can I say that it was easy even so. I had a lot of misconceptions and cultural baggage and misinformation to sift through.
On the last episode I said that just to get here, you must have a love for the world. When I say that, I don’t mean worldly things. I mean life. People, the earth…creation…life. To care for one another. To get here at basecamp, you opened your heart a little. You wanted to understand. You became a seeker – after something greater than yourself alone. You probably have already done a bit of work on yourself too. Or you might have wandered here after a glimpse on drugs. I’ll go into that on a separate episode. Whatever got you here – now the real work begins and unless you are doing this work on yourself---the rest of the way lies madness. It gets harder and harder – not easier and easier and unless you have strong roots in love - love towards truth, life, yourself, your fellow man --- you will not cling to sanity and truth. There are 7 major qualities you need to develop in yourself as you climb. Discernment, Humility, Perseverance, Integrity, Wisdom, Purity, and Compassion.
I will break these down a bit here.
Discernment: able to tell right from wrong, good advice from bad advice. Opening up to spirit leaves one open to bad spirits too who will test you and try to find your weaknesses to exploit. Just like with people, you must be able to discern good information and wisdom from bad information and corruption.
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. John 4:1
Humility: This is the attitude of the seeker. The student. The one willing to learn from the master. The one that sees the universal oneness and sees their own relativity to the All and does not boast or presume or step on top of others. Humility is so critical and such a high value virtue that I will probably have to do a whole other episode on it. I can’t say enough about it. In the New Testament (Luke 14:8-10) there is a parable about the Lowest Seat.
“When you are invited to a wedding banquet, do not sit in the place of honor, in case someone more distinguished than you has been invited. Then the host who invited both of you will come and tell you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ And in humiliation, you will have to take the last place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the last place, so that your host will come and tell you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in front of everyone at the table with you.…”
Perseverance: You have to decide if this mysterious goal is worth it. Everyone has their own mountain. Their own objectives. If your objectives align with Gods, you may have a chance at persevering as you will be helped. But the help is mostly encouragement from spirit. You will have to tough it out and do the work still yourself. As you develop…more negative spirits will try you. It will attract more negative than positive in this world. You will be forged in a furnace that tests your metal. Perseverance is a massive part of faith. It is believing in God, yourself, what is right, good and true. It is the fruit of faith.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
Integrity: This and purification go hand in hand. Integrity is about being true to yourself and what you know to be good and right and true. It is about authenticity. In Taoism, the word for enlightened person is Zhenren. It means authentic person. It means a person aligned and in balance with their highest truest self. It means being REAL. This manifests truth. Everything that does not have integrity, does not really have substance and ultimately will be destroyed. It will be just nonsense data drifting in the universe, unsaved and incoherent. Integrity will be the main thing that will keep you from falling and keep you from madness. Most mental illness and evil in this world is as a result of not living with integrity and the justifications we make to reconcile this disparity in our own minds, rather than do the work of purification and have the courage and steadfastness in integrity.
“I know that you are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. 12 Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.” Psalm 41:11
Wisdom: Of course, this is a partner to Discernment and compassion. We must learn wisdom to be able to discern in the first place. Sometimes that means putting yourself out there emotionally and experientially – it means learning from others – really wisdom is the fruit of all the other qualities you develop, but having a love for it and accepting it from whatever source it comes from is essential. At certain stations on the mountain, God will bring diverse messengers to you – from the lowest of the poor, to otherworldly beings you don’t even have names or words for. You must learn to welcome the lessons, the blessings, the discipline, the pain, the joy, the awe…all of it from all creation without prejudice.
At this stage of the journey, the proverb
“Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man, and he will increase his learning. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.” Proverbs 9:9-11
I was always the kind of person that sought to do what was right. And I left myself sensitive to the world. All these qualities gave me the energy to get to base camp and I found that I had help just getting there. Prior to reaching basecamp, the guidance I had was much quieter than what came after…more subtle – but it became very loud and I was hyper aware of it after my own Job moment which I talk about on the episode Job and the Bicameral Mind. It was then that I became really aware of God’s guidance and presence. After I sought to understand what was right better and I started to question myself more. They proverb ‘The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom was very true for me’. That experience was one that changed me forever as I became of God’s awareness of me, and my undeniable awareness of God. Knowing I was in the midst of such power and grace was daunting and I felt unworthy. I had wisdom enough to accept my discipleship and learn.
Purity: This is both a brutal and loving teacher as we are all flawed and fail far too often in our attempts at perfection. That said, there is an ever increasing standard that gets raised. As you repent of ways that are incongruent and incompatible with your journey of integrity, you rise, and your standards for yourself raise. This can lead to being very uncompassionate to yourself and others. I know for myself this has always been the most challenging as I appreciate the discipline and guidance, but as I rise, I can get more frustrated with others that don’t do the work. I am confronted more and more with others who are opposed to both the work I do on myself, and the standard that I set which sets them in contrast unfavorably. This quality acts as an unintentional judgement on mankind. It requires perseverance, compassion and integrity to get through. You must do your own work and not concern yourself with the journey of others. You must not judge, but rather love and be an example. You will know if you are being oppressive to yourself and others by living as you believe and finding that place of love and compassion that makes joy possible. It should not be so burdensome that you are pained, but it should not be so lax and slothful that you continue in sin and justification of wrongdoings.
There is a buddhist quote that I like that goes “Water that is too pure has no fish”. Be pure, without become hardened. Have a strong foundation of love, but be flexible.
Compassion: this should open your eyes, make you feel connected to the greater Oneness, make you sensitive to the sufferings, and it should make you ACT. Compassion is less a feeling and more an action. It is tangible. It seeks to create a space of acceptance, welcoming, love, understanding, patience, mercy, justice…all good things worth anything have compassion at its core. As I mentioned in the last episode – the world is suffering and you are not truly connected to the ONE unless you feel the pain as well as the joy of the current reality.
I think of this time climbing the mountain as very alchemical. It was a lot of questions and problems, trying to find solutions, distilling information, concentration on things of value, purifications to release the gold that was covered in dross, etc.
I think about my first real opening up and introduction to my spiritual journey as my Job moment which I talk about on the episode Job and the Bicameral Mind.
Because that Job episode in my own life caused me to hear two different points of view from spirit that presented as opposed, one of the first things I needed to learn was discernment. I had been reading and practicing The Fourth Way by PD Ouspensky around this time and that was very helpful for this purpose. Because as you open yourself to spirit to receive – you will have to discern between good and bad spirits just as you have to discern between good and bad people. Do they have wisdom? How can you tell? You need to question spirit as much as yourself.
If you do not do work on yourself and do not hold fast to truth and righteousness on this mountain – you will bail. The climb is too difficult for you. You are not ‘inclined’. Which is another interesting word here as one is either inclined (which etymologically means a movement towards a summit) or one declines which is a turning away and refusal to climb.
If you are inclined though…and you are working on yourself---it won’t be you getting In your way as much anymore as the world and evil spirits will. As you clean up your own act and house, as you become closer to spirit and sensitive and receptive to the ONE, you will find wicked spirits come out in force to try to derail you and make you fall.
There are many who I have heard say, as though it were wisdom, that you cannot tell good from evil and it is subjective, or that it doesn’t exist at all. But we know what we would not like done to us, and we know that simple communication can clarify our preferences to others to be respected. When we make space for suffering, when we are silent because we fear loss of money or possessions, when we allow ourselves to lie, cheat, steal, harm, or look away even though it is within our ability to do otherwise it shows our fear. Fear of mankind and the world shows a lack of faith in God and his power. Better to fear God, than fear man.
For myself, my nature at this time was filled with awe, wonder, love, joy. I developed complete trust in God as represented by my guide(s) as every single question I had was answered. Every intuition I had was confirmed. I’d find the perfect book, or watch the perfect show. It all felt so planned and perfect and amazing. I was in real awe. Still am amazed by it all.
I will put a reading list on my website- which by the way got really messed up so it might take me a bit to get it all together – of the books that I read at this time. I really felt so much smarter too at that time. It was as though I never read a book alone, but the author’s intention and very mind was shared with me so I could understand it better.
I read Bishop Berkeley’s new Theory of Vision and started really examining my perceptions and how I saw. I started looking between spaces, I tried bringing my vision In close to see the microorganisms floating on my eyeball. I was just really seeing what seeing was and what my senses and eyes could perceive.
I was also really into Joseph Campbell and loved the Bill Moyers special on The Hero with 1000 Faces. I saw it a few times and had also read that book and a couple of others of his as well. This book really showed the connections of spiritual experiences and interpretations that weren’t so different. The whole heroic journey with such strong archetypes, was something I always related to. I hadn’t realized yet that I was on my own heroic journey.
His work had me turned on to the Upanishads which I read, and then from there I started exploring Buddhism, Zen, philosophers like Plotinus , Marcus Aurelias, the Ennead, and a couple of random books on Theosophy which had a lot of similar concepts found in the Upanishads such as the concept of the ‘Atman’ which is the heart centered egoless ‘soul’.
One of my major influences, and who I eventually took my last name from, was William Blake. While reading his Milton, Blake walked and talked with me. Much as Milton did who returns from Heaven and unites with Blake to explore the relationship between living writers and their predecessors, and to undergo a mystical journey to correct his own spiritual errors—Blake seemed to do the same with me, and took me on a journey through his own mystical and visionary work.
I had the book Milton since I was probably around 12 years old. I got it because I liked the pictures, but the words were like gibberish. I couldn’t understand it at all. Over the course of 20 years or so, I would pick that book up, try to read it, find it unintelligible and put it back down. Many moves I’d pack and have to decide if it was worth keeping and lugging around since I never understood it – and still I liked the pictures enough to hang on to it. Then one day I opened it up and suddenly it made sense to me. Blake was with me. (I should add that today I find him difficult again to read but it is easier knowing what I know – I just don’t have the same facility that I had back then. It was effortless and just flowed for me).
Over this time, I ensured that my word was good. I became more aware of my thoughts and what I spoke aloud. I was never much of a liar. I was terrible at it and hated it anyway. But now I was more concerned that I was clear, and that my word was kind, useful, and didn’t leave doubts about my integrity. I sought wisdom wherever I found it. Whatever the religion, philosopher, scientist…I sought understanding and if I had any prayer at that time it was to understand.
The whole process was something like this:
I’d have a question – trying to understand – this would give me a quest to go on – I’d find myself just following my heart and end up in an old bookshop (today it might be just online), and drawn to a certain book (often it the ones with the spines turned around and my curiosity would have to see), but I’d be drawn to some book, and it would be the perfect book. I’d read it, have gratitude for the understanding, and move on to the next insight or question that would invariably come up. It was solving puzzles. As though a treasure map had been torn into a thousand pieces and a treasure hunt was in place to find all the tiny pieces, and at each spot you had to figure something out in order to find the next piece of the map. But it is in this very quest that the map is made in the first place. You find your way by questioning yourself, the world, your guides, and checking it all against what you believe to be good and true and kind. Over time, your understanding should grow. Over time, this should have you living with integrity without hypocrisy. Aware of your own actions in relation to your own beliefs and standards and your standards should also have raised a few times too, though raising your own standards should not mean putting that onto others as oppression or shame. It should be developing compassion to both others and yourself while simultaneously eliminating ego, vanities, arrogance, impatience…It should, when done right, keep one in a state of humility and relativity and connected to the ONE. Doing whatever good you see to be done within your means.
This part of the journey had me really getting to know my own heart. In my personal life, things were going well. I was doing work I loved and while I didn’t think of myself as spiritual at that time, it was clear I was on a spiritual journey.
There is a quote that goes ‘If you seek, how is that different from pursuing sound and form? If you don’t seek, how are you different from earth, wood, or stone? You must seek without seeking”
I really related to this quote which I found later on in my journey. I never was a seeker for spirituality or a religious experience or anything religious or spiritual at all. I had no goals. I just sought understanding and loved wisdom and knowledge. That was it for me. But it combined and mixed with a heart that was loving and kind, and it grew in me, and was nourished in ways I never imagined it could be.
Don’t seek the spiritual experience. It will flee from you. Seek your own purification. Seek your own integrity and the development of your soul through catharsis and repentance. The rest will come to you. There is no need to grab, take, steal, or force. Don’t make the spiritual experience the goal. The spiritual experiences are many and varied and are, for the most part, a constant on the journey. It can get overwhelming sometimes. The goal is the better you. If you want the spiritual experience, then the goal is to become a servant of God. And God will try you. He will have you submit in many ways and you will have to discern if you and God are aligned, or is the voice you hear overburdening and is it the accuser Satan? Is your will the same as God’s? What is God’s will? How do you know? All these things start to come into. There were a few of books I was reading just before I arrived at the Leap of Faith. One, as I mentioned was Milton by William Blake, and it was really such a mystical experience, other than the Bible itself, it is the only book that had real magic that worked in me. I also was reading around that same time, the Tibetan Book of the Dead which had me really seeing it as a book for the living to see through the illusions of our perceptions and not attach to forms but see beyond the forms to the true self and eternal spirit. I was also reading in science stuff In Search of Schrodingers Cat by John Gribbin and The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot (which merges science and metaphysics). All these different ideas and ideas past were all coming together in my mind and led me to an understanding about my (our) true nature and that we am made of mostly nothing…and I should, if I wanted to, be able to literally become nothing and vanish with will alone. That was my theory at any rate and that theory…I was going to test.
That determination brought me to the Leap of Faith, The Holy Spirit, and a choice which we will get to on the next episode!
Thanks for joining me on this climb! For some reason the podcast website at ihaveatheorypodcast.com isn’t getting picked up on searches in google. I’ve done this dozens of times and no idea why it’s suddenly not working on this. So I am asking all you who listen to please help this information get out to more people by writing a 5* review, sharing with friends, sharing on social media and anything else you’d like to do to help. You can help fund this podcast by purchasing anything from cohereandthere.com. I am designing made to order activewear especially for stylish frequent travelers, who want to do a lot of different things. whether it’s snorkeling, playing tennis, hiking, cycling, touring, dancing or fine dining, you can do it all with a capsule of cohesive pieces you can roll into a backpack or carryon. Use code theory10 to get 10% off your first order and flylist subscribers get free shipping too.
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